


Black Tie

by Anonymous



Series: Starker than Ever [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adult Peter Parker, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drama Free, Fluff and Humor, M/M, No Beta Here, Scandal, Social Media, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, peter parker is a tired college student, uhh... what infinity war? what endgame?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:22:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: If you asked Peter (depending on who asked him) whose fault it was that he got involved in an indecorous scandal with his mentor? The answer will always be Nick fucking Fury; it's all his fault.Or, a sudden emergency Avengers Mission caused a scandal between Peter and Tony which is preferable than revealing Peter is Spider-Man. Lesser evil and all that jazz.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Series: Starker than Ever [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154831
Comments: 5
Kudos: 116
Collections: Anonymous





	Black Tie

**Author's Note:**

> my poor attempt at crack... enjoy!

Why is it so damn hard for Peter Parker to keep a secret without his infamous Parker Luck shooting him stupidly unaware from behind his back? What's the use of having his _Spider_ _Senses_ if he couldn't even stop the series of bad lucks that never failed to keep happening to him?

And it's not just any secret of his that's on the line here; it's _the_ _secret_.

The kind of secret that would risk the lives of those he cares about (namely: his Aunt May, Ned and MJ) if it ever got out that he is Spider-Man. He gained a lot of enemies through the years of his superhero career and he knew that those important people to him could be use against him.

But, he knew it too, okay? That someday, Peter had to reveal his real life identity to the public. He resigned himself to the fact, but damn! Not like this!

Never. Like. _This_.

Not for an utterly ridiculous and fucked up reason: with his expensive pants (courtesy of Mr. Stark, of course) down his thighs in the restroom during an SI's Charity Event that his mentor invited him to— while said mentor was standing in front of him in his Iron Man suit sans the helmet.

It's not what it even looks like!

No matter how Peter wished deep, _deep_ inside that it was.

But, if you asked Peter (depending on who asked him) whose fault it was that he got involved in an indecorous scandal with his mentor?

The answer will always be Nick fucking Fury; it's all his fault.

(Even though it's Peter's fault, too. And Mr. Stark's. And Ned. And Happy. And Steve. But, that's beside the point.)

Okay. Peter knew that the one who caught him and Mr. Stark (and immortalised said compromising position in pictures) hit the fucking jackpot. Just. Not the correct one because context is important here. Peter cannot stress this enough, but, **context**!

The events that led to that cursed picture began when Peter Parker forgot Tony had invited him to the Black Tie event. He was busy moonlighting as a masked vigilante in Queens, okay? Plus, he's also a college student now.

Spare him for forgetting. He's tired.

"Not sleeping well, Underoos?" Mr. Stark jested while lowering one of his colourful sunglasses to meet his glare, which was ineffective since Peter is as terrifying as a chihuahua.

"Do I have to go, Mr. Stark? I'm tired and sore as heck from last night's patrol." He tried weaseling his way, stifling his yawn with his hand.

"All the Avengers are going, too, Pete, so you have to be there." Mr. Stark insisted.

Peter absent-mindedly nodded before he shoot a message to Ned that he wouldn't be able to come back in their dorm since he knew that there's after-party with the Avengers after the event. He'll just crash in one of the spare rooms in the Tower.

Ned: "send deets of everything!!!"

Ned: "im living vicariously thru u"

Peter sent a thumbs up before pocketing his StarkPhone that Mr. Stark gifted him after graduating High School.

It took half an hour before they arrived in the Avengers Tower and Peter followed his mentor to his private elevator, so he could change to a proper attire for the event.

Tony insisted a custom-made suit just for Peter, so that's what Peter had to wear in the gala.

And because Mr. Stark barged in his room in an ungodly hour (it's afternoon, but he's tired as fuck!), he didn't have the time nor in lucid state of mind to pull on his Spider-Man suit under his clothing like he always did. He just put on his science pun t-shirt and let Tony manhandled him out of the apartment and pushed him inside his car.

Now, here was Peter Parker, feeling a little bit pretentious in an Italian-cut suit that probably cost more than his tuition in ESU and the apartment he shared with Ned.

"Looking good, Pete." Tony complimented while his hands nimbly arranged the crook bowtie around Peter's neck.

Peter felt himself heating up at the praise. He cleared his throat and glanced at the side, not looking at Mr. Stark's face a few inches away from him.

"T-thanks. You look good, too, Mr. Stark." Peter could barely manage to cease his stammering.

After that awkward moment (for Peter, at least), they left the Avengers Tower again and drove to the Maria Hall, named after Mr. Stark's late mother, where the Charity Ball is being held.

They arrived in the venue with flashing of lights from the cameras of various News Outlet. Because Peter forgot to borrow a sunglasses from Mr. Stark earlier, he got dizzy and almost stumbled when certain lights assaulted his eyes.

Fortunately, Tony caught him by his elbow and guided Peter inside since he's almost blind from the experience.

Peter sighed in relief when he could see again and not just white spots. It took a few minutes, but it's alright.

"You okay now, Pete?" Mr. Stark asked in concern, a hand on his nape.

Peter noticed he was sitting on a chair in the Avengers' table while Mr. Stark was standing behind him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Peter assured his mentor.

After making sure that Peter is alright now, Tony left him with Vision and Wanda.

While Mr. Stark rubbed elbows with rich folk like him, Peter sat with the Avengers who didn't want to socialize but had to.

Then, Mr. Stark returned to their table and decided he just had to introduce Peter and his genius to everyone who would listen:

"This is Peter Parker, my protégé."

"He's probably the smartest person in this room."

"He will change the world."

Peter was so red, he probably resembled his Spider Suit. Both Bucky and Sam were sitting at the table and laughing at him.

Clint even made a kissy face, and he got whacked at the head by Natasha for his trouble.

Peter scowled at them.

So far, the party is going well. He should have known better to jinx it. Because not an hour later, Fury was calling for them to assemble.

"I didn't wear my Spider Suit, Mr. Stark!" Peter quietly hissed at his mentor's ear.

"What? Did you bring it, at least?" Tony dipped his head, whispering back. "We really need to upgrade that old thing."

"It's in your car. I left it there..." Peter told him, sheepishly.

Mr. Stark shook his head in exasperation before telling Happy to bring Peter's suit that was left in the car while pulling Peter to a nearby Men's Restroom.

There are five factors that created Peter's scandal with Tony:

Number 1: When Happy arrived with the suit, instead of staying with them, he got distracted by a suspicious person he had thought was sneaking around; it was just a passing waiter.

Number 2: Ned texted Peter and Peter just had to message him back, following Tony inside the restroom and thinking Tony will lock the door.

Number 3: Instead of shoving Peter inside the restroom, Tony went inside with him, casually conversing with FRIDAY as he let the nanites to crawl around his body and to form his Iron Man armour, leaving it up to Peter to lock the door behind him.

Number 4: The passing waiter Happy had followed was tricked, so a saucy reporter struggling for good scoop can follow Tony and Peter.

Tony slightly tilted his head to the side and looked over his shoulder at the restroom's door before staring back at Peter with his opened pants down his creamy thighs and black dress shirt unbuttoned at the top as his necktie hanged on his neck to change in his Spider-Man's suit that Peter had the mind to bring, at least.

"Did you lock the door?"

Peter froze for a second before he pushed down his pants to reveal the hot red thong he was wearing underneath, shedding his dress shirt while toeing off the black pants pooling down his ankles.

(Tony didn't choke on nothing from seeing Peter wearing a thong, okay?! He didn't!)

"I thought you locked the door." Peter had replied, slowly and carefully.

"....."

Silence fell in the room at what the two of them just realised. Both of their eyes had widened at the same time, mouth opening and closing in disbelief.

"Shi—"

"Oh fu—"

And number 5: Steve got impatient and connected to Tony's comms that exact moment.

Steve's voice crackled from the comms in Tony's right ear, halting the realisation of the two heroes.

"Where are you, guys? We're going to be late, Tony."

"Damn!" Tony cursed before he said to his mentee, "Spiderling, hurry up. We're going now!"

"Aye, aye, Mr. Stark, sir!" Peter saluted as he pushed the spider emblem on his suit before he pulled the mask down his head, forgetting the "lock issue" because of the sudden emergency Avengers Mission the S.H.I.E.L.D. Director had issued they were supposed to be going to.

Big mistake.

Because not even a whole day since they returned from the mission, Peter's face is in front of the many gossip magazine with his dishevelled appearance that could be mistaken as "just got fucked".

*

"Didn't know you had it in you, Parker!" MJ teased him with a wide cheshire grin while she made herself at home in his and Ned's sofa in their shared apartment.

"It's totally not what it looks like!"

Peter had hissed like an offended wet cat, drinking a glass of cold water, straight, to calm himself down— only to spit some of it out when his traitor of a best friend said,

"But, dude! That's, like, totally a kinky sex thing." Ned whisper-shouted, looking at Peter with awe. "How many did you think Mr. Stark had actually fucked with his Iron Man armour?"

"Ned!" Peter had determinedly ignored his voice cracking and turned high-pitched at the thought Ned planted in his head. "Mr. Stark would never!"

"Are you sure?" MJ raised a delicate brow.

"No, I'm not! But, that's inappropriate use of the suit: it's for fighting, not a sex toy!"

"Like, you didn't fantasise getting fucked by an Iron Man suit at thirteen." Ned said under his breath while MJ cackled.

*

May can't stop laughing hysterically while she leaned on Pepper because she didn't have the capacity to support herself from laughing hard. So _hard_.

"It's not funny, Aunt May." Peter sulked, flushing an embarrassing shade of red.

"Wha-what do you mean n-not funny? Of course, it's not! This is freaking hilarious, Pete!" Aunt May gasped in between her laughter.

"It can be worse, you know?" Tony added his coin on the table while he lounged like the king that he was on the armchair he's sitting on.

"Like, what?" Peter scowled, grinding his teeth in slight annoyance.

"It's a good thing they didn't catch you in your underwear?" Tony grinned with a bit lasciviousness, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

'Why? Because that would be worse and fuel the flames more?' Peter grudgingly thought.

Upon hearing Tony, May started another round of chortling, knowing her nephew's preference in wearing the soft and flimsy "underwear" underneath his Spider-Man's suit for comfort and the _esthétique_.

"You're not helping, Tony!" Pepper hissed, shooting him an unimpressed look as she tried to control the media's attention on a picture of the two superheroes in the room (not that the media guessed the other guy was actually Spidey sans the mask) with the legendary PR Team of Tony Stark.

"Never said I will." Then, because he can, Tony had the audacity to wink at Peter.

Peter, for his part, didn't know if he should strangle his mentor or kiss him senseless. Whatever.

*

Flash Thompson @fastestmanalive . 10m

I went to a same HS w/ @peanutparkour and from time to time, he would disappear because of his "SI Internship".

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Flash Thompson @fastestmanalive . 9m

Everyone in our school speculated he's an escort...turns out he's actually selling that ass to @iamironman??! Lol.

Reply - Retweet 9.5k - Favorite 17k - More

Led Needs @guyinthechair . 8m

@fastestmanalive oh, if you only knew...

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Michelle Jones @blackdahlia . 8m

@fastestmanalive You stinked of bullshit, Eugine. And the real tea here is: my friend @peanutparkour will definitely climb Tony Stark if given the chance [1/3]

Reply - Retweet 15k - Favorite 21k - More

Michelle Jones @blackdahlia . 7m

Unfortunately, @iamironman didn't have him in his radar... [2/3]

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Michelle Jones @blackdahlia . 7m

At least, not until now. 😏😏 [3/3]

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The Daily Buggle @thedailybuggle . 5m

Tony Stark and newest Boy toy caught in Act!!! Click link for more: tdb.org/193792-entertainment-news//

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War Machine @jamesrhodes . 4m

Oh, man! This is so fucking hilarious. I bet @officialspiderman is crying right now. 😂

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Black Widow @natasharomanoff . 4m

And to think all of this started because they didn't lock the door.

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1st Birb in Avengers @hawkeye . 4m

Nice, legs @peanutparkour. 😂

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Best Birb in Avengers @falcon . 4m

Well, @officialspiderman have the rights to remain silent, right? @buckybarnes

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I have Metal Arms @buckybarnes . 4m

Steve and I saw this coming. No one ever believed us. Even those two. Morons. Lol.

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Spider-Man @officialspiderman . 3m

@iamironman @peanutparkour F

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Not a Princess @shurinotshuri . 3m

@peanutparkour is secretly a tired gay disaster for @iamironman. This is fact. Glad the world finally caught up!

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ILY, I Know @lukeimnotyourfather . 2m

@peanutparkour is a lucky twink.

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Not on my watch @annabanana . 2m

Okay. So, @peanutparkour is soo hot??!!? Damn! @iamironman is the lucky one!!!!

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Iron Man Stan @tonystarkismybae . 2m

@annabanana i dunno it seems 2 me that @peanutparkour is more lucky... imagine having kinky sex with Iron Man in his suit.

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Official SI @starkindustries . 1m

Live Press Conference at 9 AM regarding the issue between Tony Stark and former intern, Peter Parker.

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*

Opps! What not to do in Public Restrooms

by Gwen Stacy (buzzfeed writer)

The recent photograph of Tony Stark in his Iron Man suit with a former personal intern, Peter Parker, who looked almost half-naked inside a public restroom had shook the Internet yesterday morning.

The thing that shook the Internet, though, wasn't the younger-looking lover, but the "kink-spiracy" between the couple caught in camera.

There were many speculations in Iron Man fanbase whether Tony Stark uses his suit for kinky sex. Well, ladies and gents, your speculation may be true! And Peter Parker is one lucky bitch.

Anyway, cheers to the newest couple!

And as promised, here's what not to do in Public Restrooms:

1.) Forget to lock the door.

If you're planning to have a kinky sex in public restrooms w/ your S.O. Always👏🏻Lock👏🏻The👏🏻 Door👏🏻

*

However, the wrong assumption is better than the truth because it's the lesser evil.

Him, Peter Parker, dating or having public indecency scandal with the Tony Stark in a public restroom was much better than a badly timed identity reveal...

"You know that you could still do your own 'I am Iron Man' moment." Tony whispered, wrapping an arm around Peter's shoulder as he guided him to the Conference Room where the invited press are waiting. "Than pretending we're having a hot kinky sex in a daily basis."

Peter turned to Tony and looked him dead in the eyes, and firmly uttered,

"Tony, no."

Tony shrugged at him as if telling him "just saying". Then, the two of them went inside and fielded questions. Or more like, Tony was answering them most of the time and Peter was trying his best not to blurt out that he's Spider-Man— because perhaps, Tony Stark is right. It was probably better than hearing his mentor agreeing to fake date him and ambiguously dropping their non-existent hot kinky sex to the public's scrutiny without actually mentioning it.

And because Peter's mind is flying away with their supposed romantic relationship, when Tony handed him the microphone...

"So, I'm Peter Parker. We're dating for real and are having lots of whatever you guys are thinking." Tony had to turn around, so he could bury his face on his hands. "And no, I am not Spider-Man."

Silence fell in the room full of vultures and Tony's shoulders were obviously shaking.

"I'm just having an obvious hot kinky thing with Iron Man." because Peter can't stop his fucking mouth when he's nervous.

For the first time, the press witnessed how Tony Stark cracked a warm and genuine laughter, and it's all because of one Peter Parker or apparently, not Spider-Man.

Every Reporter in the room couldn't decide what's more shocking: Tony Stark without a mask... or Peter Parker revealing himself as Spider-Man.

*

"So, do you still want to have an obvious hot kinky thing with me?" Tony asked with a raised brow and amused smirk after all was said and done.

Peter couldn't stop the moan that left his lips, "Yes, please."

*

Spidey's Ass @spideystan . 1m

Ok. IM suit sex is sexy af. But, imagine sex w/ Spidey will be like... Spidey's flexible & his powers... the potential there? Yum.

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Flash Thompson @fastestmanalive . 1m

My whole life is a lie...

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SI Head of Security @happyhogan

I'm not getting paid enough to see... that.

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END

**Author's Note:**

> so that scene in FFH with peter trying to change costume and brad caught him pants down with that agent? yeah. this is actually inspired from that, but starker.


End file.
